INDELIBLE SCARS
(Yetunde’s Tales)
Episode 1 (Daddy’s Pain)
Unspeakable joy rent the air as Mum broke the ice with the news of her promotion at work. She was now the new Regional manager of Baker Nile insurance company with head office at Ikeja. It was time to party; everyone filled the air with unreserved smiles and shouts that could pass through the walls to put our next door neighbors into running into our apartment to see what was going on.
Was someone missing in this elated mood of ours? That’s true, mum answered as though she heard the sounds of my heart; where is your Dad she inquired as she walked through the passage into their bedroom to check for her husband.
Honey what is wrong? Aren’t you happy that I was promoted? She asked as she met her husband sitting on the bed worried as though it was sad news. Well, that could be case; to us it was a great news but not to my dad. “Not again Lola, not again” Daddy sighed as he continued. “Well, it’s good for you but do you consider the fact that you have a husband? Or don’t you remember that a man’s need is not only food? When will you have time to meet my emotional needs Lola? After working all day, you come home tired and you expect me to be happy that you were promoted eh? Maybe, you’d be sleeping at the office this time”. Well, congratulations Madam Regional Manager he said as he cynically let out a cheesy smile.
Honey, it’s not like that, please try to understand. I know the new office is far but I believe I should have more time now to attend to the family than before, Mum replied after taking in a deep breath. “You know Yetunde and her brother have to go to good schools and we all cannot survive on just your salary.”
With a more mirthless smile mixed with little drops of tears, Dad replied, “Hmmm, I see Mrs. Bread Winner, so it’s because you are privileged to earn more money than I right? You’ve forgotten that I declined so many Job offers I got outside Lagos with mouthwatering salaries just because I wanted to be close to you and the kids…Huh? I see… No challenge, enjoy your new level, I’ll take care of myself.”
Well, I had tip toed behind mum as she walked into their bedroom in search of Dad, so I completely got the full gist as I eavesdropped on them. But that night, I couldn’t really sleep well. My joy had turned sour as I heard dad’s plight. As a young girl in secondary school, I could barely understand, but I knew he was in pain. But, did I really hear, “I’ll take care of myself?” how would he do that? Those words never left my mind as I lay down to sleep.
Episode 2 (Daddy’s Secret – My pain)
Days fled into weeks and everything seemed so normal in the house again until this beautiful afternoon. I had come home from visiting my friend and wasn’t expecting anyone at home. Walking through the sitting room to my room, I noticed Dad’s room was half open. Could he have come home by this time of the day? I just hope there’s no problem at work, I said in frightful soliloquy. As I peeped through the partly open door, my eye ball almost gorged out of its socket because of the sight I beheld. Dad! I shouted in surprise as my bag dropped on the tiled floor. I ran out in shame to my room as I thought of what I saw. Yes, unbelievable but it was true, my dad was enjoying Porn and Masturbating. Could this be what he meant by taking care of himself? Hot still tears rolled down my chubby cheeks as I ruminated on the sight that filled my thoughts.
****
The day was almost breaking as the rooster had begun to announce the arrival of a new day. As usual mum had just left the house so as to beat up Lagos traffic and get to the new office which was very far from home. She had to meet up with the challenges of the new position, so work, work and work was all that occupied her mind. Still in my lying position trying to get over the gory sight of the previous day, I heard the squeaky noise of my room door and the almost silent footsteps of someone gaining entrance into my room. “Korede, is that you?” Thinking it was my brother trying to play his usual pranks on me but I knew he was in boarding school. Then closer and closer the person came and then sat on bed, by this time though the room was dark, I could see through the twilight permeating my room. It was Dad. What has he come to do in my dark room? I wondered as I sat up on my bed.
“Yetunde, I came to speak to you about what you saw yesterday. I didn’t want it to be an open discussion, that’s why I came to your room by this time” Dad narrated his pitiable experience with mum and explained why he could do that to “ease off”. I felt very sorry for him because I had loved my dad so much as a growing up girl.
Well, as he spoke his hands were already running through my body. He was silently but gradually caressing my body. Was I feeling something erotic for my dad? I couldn’t just explain. This was my first experience. Gosh! This was crazy… No, this was not happening… “No, please Dad stop this, don’t do this to me” I pleaded. I wanted to shout but he was all over me. “Don’t worry it won’t hurt, just be calm you’ll enjoy it, I know you love your dad to help him in need” Daddy said as he gently but eventually broke through my soft and tender labia folds. It sounded strange but it was true, my dad had broken my hymen.
I felt terrible. An experience I couldn’t explain and hate sharing but it happened. What came over me? How could I? Did this cure Dad’s cravings? Was that the end of my pain … I wished it was, Nah, it was just the beginning of my misery…
Ride along with me as I unveil more in other episodes…
Episode 3 (My Misery)
Extreme fear and feeling of uncertainty greeted the air as this cold night in November, 2006 bore in its firm grip the beginning of another phase in my life. I’ve not experienced this feeling before but from my little knowledge in Biology, I could fairly tell what this was all about. I had long grown up to accept my fate which in this case was ill, as my once loving father used me severally to satisfy his urges in place of my mum. Well, you’ve got the right to call me names but at that point my feeble mind thought “it was nothing after all since we were same family”- [That was the lie Dad planted in my thoughts that disarmed my defensive garrison of self-worth and right discretion yet I didn’t know why I couldn’t tell mum, her unavailability notwithstanding]. Sleep fled from the perimeters of my room as the dreadful night was graced with the cacophony of fearful sounds by night birds and trees. I had vomited severally and had the feeling of nausea and aches. Hmmm… just as your thoughts would have rightly discerned; it’s true, I was carrying my dad’s seed.
Who could believe me? What if Dad denied me in the presence of my mum? Would I be able to stand and face my friends in school? This is actually weird and awful indeed. The stolen food I’ve been eating all these while had chocked me up. As you would imagine, pregnancy was not something a girl of my age could handle rightly but I had to brace up and face my errors.
Well, thank God I was not denied by my parents though not without so much tears, beatings and blame from my mum. I had become Dad’s mistress…she thought; a serious pain in her butt caused by her craze for her career and insatiable passion for more money. “Uhhmm, men and sex” she continued. “My friend was right after all, I only did not believe it could happen right under my nose. I had thought my husband was exceptional…Nah, nah, I was very wrong. If you don’t give them sexual satisfaction, they’ll sure get it from elsewhere. But not my poor daughter, not her…” she burst into tears as got lost in painful soliloquy. “This is all my fault…chai! Ayemi o! God!, this cannot be true… what have I done to myself? Damn it! Damn this nonsense job of mine” Mum exclaimed in her pain. Hmmm, it seems mum had begun to have some sense after all; well, but that was at the cost of my virginity.
**************************************
No amount of tears could revert the hands of the clock. Abortion was not option as our family doctor had severely warned that it could take my life if I tried it because of my age and some medical peculiarities in my case. Days ran into weeks and weeks fled into months, and after my third trimester unprepared motherhood, Kayode was born. Of course, he was only told I was his elder sister as he grew up because we couldn’t bear another family disaster of keeping men away from marrying me when I was ripe for marriage because I had a child for my father.
Episode 4 (My broken pieces)
University of Lagos must have wrongly admitted a feminine terrorist in place of a student. I came in with a dire hatred for anyone with a dangling muscle between his legs, especially such as could not keep it within the confines of its sheath. My dad thought he had used me to satisfy his Eros but never knew he had deposited a seed of hatred in me since he could take advantage of my innocence at such tender age. Well, I got admission to study political science but I came in with a mission to annihilate older men who came around looking for young girls to mess up. I had nothing to protect after all, my dad had taken it all [I said to myself]. My weapons were my slender sexy body, my hands [trained to break the clavicle and spinal bones at one hit] and my laptop; this time I knew my way around the tricks of pregnancy.
In my 200 level, I had successfully and neatly [without trace] killed 30 men, made some impotent by squashing their balls and duped many. I had no friend, roommate or acquaintance except my laptop. I use my nude photos to entice men via some porn sites and have them book a meeting place where we could lick the honey pot. I lived in a big house well paid and furnished of course by some of my big fish. My car was not compared to that of any of my lecturers or colleagues because I drove the latest models. I got rich guys licking my feet at will but my days in tertiary school were a payback time for men, so none knew about my real name. I played my games clean and neat but ensured I took special care of my ‘new younger brother’ who was only surprised at the special treat. I only went home once in a year and spend no more than two days because I’ve got some business to attend to in UNILAG.
I hated the word “love” but only used it as a bait to get down my clients. I never allowed younger boys to come near me because to me, they were just little brats with a tiny thing that got nothing to offer me; but this particular handsome caught my eye. Well, I thought he was like one of those “sex hungry” guys who wanted to “ease off” so I saw another little chap dancing at the entrance of the lioness’ den but I was wrong- Chidi was different.
Episode 5 (My Turning Point)
What has this guy got that I can’t take my mind off him? Besides, the thought of marriage was one of the worst things I would want to hear. My life was in a mess and all I wanted was to payback the wickedness of men.
After much appeal and calls from this guy to take me out, I decided to oblige on this special day. As I approached the address he gave me, I began to hear a particular song. Could this be a church or what? Gosh! I had long hated God because I felt he too was wicked for allowing my Dad take advantage of me, so church was not even a place to go. But this song kept piercing through my heart as I moved closer. I couldn’t tell the force that kept pulling me till I entered that hall. As I write this, that song still rings freshly in my mind. The song leader kept repeating this line of the song:
“The potter wants to put you back, together again
Ohh! The potter wants to put you back together again”
Uncontrollable tears rushed down my ears as I found myself lying face down on the altar. His words pierced my heart, I felt a heavy load in my heart – I needed help. I couldn’t hold myself anymore, it was a strange experience. I could see myself in the mirror of God’s judgment – I was guilty and terribly dirty. All I could do was to cry… I cried my eyes out for mercy. I didn’t know if I was the one in front there but I knew I had an encounter.
As I made efforts to stand up to leave, I saw someone stretch out his hands to help me up. It was Chidi – He was actually the one who ministered through that song. As he raised me up, he said, “Welcome Back Yetunde”, I had long expected your return and so did Jesus because I’ve been praying for you since you entered this campus in year one. I wondered how he knew my name because no one on campus knew my real name except my lecturers but that was no more my worry. Something had changed about me. I could understand the true meaning of love through what Jesus did for me. Slender Queen was now Sis. Yetunde.
Well, that was my story. I no longer hunt for men to kill but move around with the message of love to young girls who were hurt like me. I had to learn to let go off my past, forgive my Dad and move on with a beautiful life ahead of me; though the scars remained indelible – Kayode would always come to mind. Hmmm, I know someone may want to hear about Chidi… (Hahahahaha, I got you)… Well, that nice Chidi is now my beloved husband. We got married 2 years after NYSC and as for Kayode he grew up to love his mum now as a changed person.
*************************************************
Beloved, the potter (Jesus) wants to put your broken pieces back together again. Have you been hurt, heart broken by men or people? Have you lost hope of living? Jesus still gives hope. Lots of lives have been transformed through my broadcasts and yours won’t be an exception.
You could speak to us with 100% confidentiality, trust me – you’ll smile again.
I love you and will always do.
Elijah Chukwudi I.
Impact Life Platform
07030226358
[Get full episodes and other life transforming articles on my blog: https://restoredheartfoundation.blogspot.com]
No comments:
Post a Comment